Why My Boy Plays with dolls?

Should we be concerned to see her boy play the princesses? This hiding something? The responses of Stéphane Barbas, child psychiatrist.

A little boy who loves dresses up as a Princess and a little girl who only plays with small cars, is – it worrisome for parents? Stéphane Barbas, child psychiatrist and author of “small problems and issues from A to Z” (editions Nathan), explains how to find the right words and well respond to the attitude of a toddler, sometimes destabilizing.
A little boy who prefers the dolls to small cars hiding something?
Sexual identification builds gradually and it is perfectly normal that a 2, 3 or 4 years toddler wants to explore the world on the side of the opposite sex . There is therefore nothing to worry about! Instead, you must not lock the kids in stereotypes related to toys! This isn’t because a boy plays the dinette that it must be condemned. A p’ little guy who plays with dolls or disguised as a fairy, it is also common in families where siblings of the same age, or almost, side by side. This is part of the sibling rivalry.
 
Moreover, a lot of boys are looking for the company of girls and enjoy spending time with them, simply because they find them more gentle in their attitudes. They prefer quiet games without mistake on their sex. And it works in both directions, some girls will love fight games, unlike their girlfriends. But in our society, a tomboy seems to be better seen, better tolerated than a boy said effeminate.
How to react as a parent?
They should not worry about the toys with which their child fun. This remains the domain of the game, and so freedom. In addition, it is possible that a little boy gets tired very quickly of Barbies and other toys for girls. This may be transient, at least until the resolution of the Oedipus complex .
Do not oppose her child in a frontal way, but rather demonstrate measurement and sweetness. For example, if a boy insists on going to school dressed as a girl, he should be reminded that it is not his decision, but his parents: it is also a way to protect it from the eyes of others, at the school including. It is also the role of parents to help their small to situate the role of each: explain to a boy that he can never wear baby in her belly for example, can allow him to become aware of the realities of life.
And if we’re really worried?
It is important to qualify his remarks : an inadequate reaction of the parents can be unsettling for the child. If 5 years or more, it has unusual behavior, abandoned its small cars adored for a doll, it is necessary to consult, to ask the help of a specialist. It is also a way to be more tuned to her child and put words to his discomfort.
Parents should try to understand why, wonder if they should not be more attentive to the needs of their child, and ask if they have not encouraged, voluntarily or not, such behaviors. For example, it can translate the hidden desire of a woman to have a daughter: the boy is already imagined to be loved more if he was of the opposite sex, where effeminate demeanor.
Hard to not feel guilty…
Shrinks don’t blame parents. Guilt is already there. Of course, everything is not the fault of the parents. There is what is called “the guilt of life”. Being busy at work, leave your child at the nursery or the nanny are all things that feel guilty parents! But guilt that are good.
Parents are asking themselves. They wonder what makes them, to them, to see their little guy play girls games. They induced, consciously or not, in their child’s behaviour? This question is inevitable. Each parent plans on her child of the idealized images. They do not have to want to be with their offspring as their own parents were with them.
What is the role of the father in the way in which the little boy built its identity?
The question of the father, especially at that age where the child takes model on his parents. The father is the support for the identification of the boy, and his presence, even more symbolic as real, is very important. In the Oedipus, some boys will adopt toddler an attitude very manly, hoping to seduce their mother. More rare, others, who are afraid of the taboos of incest, will find that relate to a girl can be a way to protect themselves. It is important that the father is loved of the mother, and that the boy understands is not all for the same woman. It will thus find its just position between his dad and his mom, and will cease to identify with the parental couple
A child who is struggling to assert itself as a boy may have in her family and the ancestors whose masculinity was associated with rowdy, violent behaviours, for example. Where their desire to get away from these harmful images, and to identify with the opposite world: that of girls.
The attitude of a toddler has a link with his future sexual orientation?
Parents should worry about something, if not for their child’s future sexual orientation. They should rather worry about if their child feels good about herself, and if he doesn’t suffer from a lack of confidence in him, or disorders of attachment… Where this desire to look at other ways to assert its identity.
When a child does not react as his parents would like, one speaks of narcissistic injury. Dads especially are achieved in their manhood. But the question of homosexuality or heterosexuality does not really arise beforeadolescence. But that parents can rest assured, it is moral, and non-medical concern.
And you, do you think the dolls are the preserve of girls? Are you concerned the fact that a boy disguised as a girl?